The Mother’s Smile

The Mother’s Smile, Esther Lightcap Meek, foreword by D.C. Schindler. Cascade Books (ISBN: 9798385236473) 2025.

Summary: How philosophically formative is a mother’s smile and the delighted regard of others.

None of us remembers the first moments of our lives. But Esther Lightcap Meek proposes that they are the foundationally formative events of our lives. This is so not only physically and emotionally, but also philosophically. Specifically, she has in mind the loving embrace of a weary mother, gazing on her child with a loving smile. And throughout our lives, Meek contends, we are formed by the delighted regard of others. Moreover, our delighted regard is central to the knowing of others, including the non-human. And over all is the loving, delighted regard of God upon our lives. In succeeding chapters, Meek develops all the ways the mother’s delighted regard is philosophically formative.

First of all the mother’s smile shapes our awareness of our own existence as the infant “I” faces the “You” lovingly regarding me. I understand myself to be in relationship to another, pre-figuring every I-You relationship in life. I know I exist because I see my mother seeing me. Meek contrasts this with the Cartesian reductivist vision of self detached from a fragmented external reality. For Meek, this loving regard ushers us into a world of wonder in which we are intimately connected with all.

This makes a difference in how we know, the idea of epistemology. Here, Meek elaborates her ideas of covenant epistemology through the mother’s smile. It forms us in the reality that all knowing is personal, that we don’t know objects but others. We are involved and yet non-possessive. We commune and delight. And we know wholes rather than fragmented parts.

This in turn shapes our metaphysics. In place of a Cartesian vision that doubts the reality of anything but ourselves, we embrace childhood’s vision of real others. And we encounter other things as “personlike others.” Instead of mastery of “objects,” we engage in loving regard of even inanimate “others” as well as other non-human living things. I was excited to see her connect with Robin Wall Kimmerer’s work of honoring and valuing all that we encounter in the world.

Mothers are not the only ones from whom we experience this delighted regard. This offers hope for those lacking experiences of a mother’s regard. Meek writes of the wonder when another regards us with delight, using the examples of her sister and a faculty colleague. She writes movingly of how her colleague Bob’s delighted regard formed her:

“But I want to tell you about Bob’s face! I don’t mean any particular expression, but rather the frank, unqualified regard and particular delight that it always registered as he looked at me. I saw him seeing me. Over the years I grew to see myself as Bob sees me; I chose this visage, holding to his seeing me as more objective than my own subjective view. As a person, and also professionally, I have come to be who I am in his unwavering regard” (p. 76).

She then encourages us in the seeing of others, that “[w]e make friends by being friends.”

Ultimately, for Meek, this points toward “a face that will not go away.” Acknowledging the discomfort this evokes, she encourages us with the idea that God’s gaze upon us is one of infinite delight. One of the most amazing things about Jesus as God with us is how he saw people–the Samaritan woman, Zacchaeus, and so many more.

As she concludes, she sums up the work of philosophical service with the word “delight.” We do this as parents. We receive this as children. Then we extend delighted regard wherever our calling leads us, and into all parts of our quotidian existence. Thus, we re-embrace the wonder of a child toward our world, a wonder it was a mistake to abandon.

I read and reviewed Meek’s Loving to Know last fall. It is a long book elaborating her ideas of covenant epistemology, and one of the best I’ve read in recent years. What a “delight,” if I may use that word, to see her bring all these insights together in the simplicity and beauty of the mother’s smile. This is a book to savor as it reminds us of the primal love of our mothers, of the friends who “noticed” us with delight, and of the “face that will not go away.”

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My review of Loving to Know: https://bobonbooks.com/2025/12/09/review-loving-to-know/