memoir

Review: On Fire for God

/ rtrube54 / Leave a comment
Cover image of "On Fire For God" by Josiah Hesse

On Fire for God

On Fire for God, Josiah Hesse. Pantheon (ISBN: 9780553387292) 2026.

Summary: A memoir of growing up in a troubled family amidst a toxic mix of conservative Christianity, and escaping it.

Josiah Hesse is an accomplished freelance journalist with several books to his credit as well as regular contributions to The Guardian, Esquire, Newsweek, and other publications. He is also part of the growing body of “exvangelicals.” This book combines memoir with a sociological study of the impact of both religion and economic forces on a working class town in Iowa.

Josiah was born in 1982 in Mason City, Iowa, the town that served as inspiration for The Music Man. His father had converted through a Jesus Movement era ministry that combined lots of bible study and a Late Great Planet Earth expectation of Christ’s imminent return. Henry wanted to be ready, but also to enjoy the pleasures of marriage before that. He met Janet, a quiet and studious woman at a Bible study in her home. They married young. When Josiah came along, the marriage was already in trouble. Henry was abusing alcohol and drugs. Janet was probably suffering clinical depression. But ministers encouraged them to “claim victory in Jesus” by making generous donations and serving actively in the church. They hid the troubles behind fake smiles. But Henry’s business was struggling. The home was a mess. Meanwhile, ministry leaders lived in lavish homes.

Josiah was in the middle of it all. That included imbibing toxic teaching, frequent altar calls that only called into question his salvation, and as he grew older, struggles with doubts that couldn’t be voiced and his sexuality. He was taught to be ashamed of his body and its urges. There was also a shadow life of substance abuse and the exploits most teens engage in at some time or another. By then, his parents are divorced. He struggled in school, finally dropping out.

Finally, he escapes to Denver, discovering a talent for writing that he turns into a career. Through counseling, running, and in his case, cannabis, he comes to a healthy acceptance of himself. While not an atheist, he left Christianity and the troubling ideas of the God he grew up with.

To write the memoir, he returns home to interview family and friends. He also studies the history and current economic conditions of a town in which big agriculture and Walmart replaced family farms and local stores. He learns that religious shysters long preceded his generation. And he understands both the religious and economic sources of adherence to the ideas of the Right.

It was hard to read this book. The Jesus Movement played an important role in my spiritual journey. While experiencing some of the emotionalism described in the book, occasionally manipulative, I was blessed with wise mentors of integrity, including within my family. Raised in a home with a love of learning, I discovered that I could love God as well. And I spent a career helping college students connect those two loves in their own lives.

So it was hard to read this book, though good. I knew how different and good the walk of faith could be and grieved that this was not Josiah’s experience. It was also hard because I know of too many other instances of predatory ministry figures who love sex, money, and power more than Jesus. I know of those who played on the latent fears of congregants, rather than inviting them into the “perfect love which casts out fear” that flows out in love to neighbor and stranger alike.

I grieve for a generation that lost its way. The generation of Josiah’s parents. My generation. So many of us really experienced how Jesus changes everything. We envisioned working this out in loving and serving communities, living out the just love of Jesus in society. But Josiah describes ministry leaders who did not feed the sheep but fleeced them. And sadly, what many of the sheep learned was to pursue, not the kingdom of God, but personal prosperity.

Given all this, and all that Hesse experienced, it is striking that he writes, “Though I cannot, at this time embrace Christianity as part of my identity, I can place humble curiosity about it at the center of my being. And hope that one day I can view spirituality beyond the lens of fear and shame, and perhaps connect with something divine.” He also can acknowledge the great treasures Christianity has given the world. It says something about him that he can forgive and realize his connection to his people and their land. As much as I grieve what he experienced (and many others), I’m encouraged with how far he’s come, and long that in his “humble curiosity” he will one day discover a better story.

_______________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Review: Paper Girl

/ rtrube54 / Leave a comment
Cover image of "Paper Girl" by Beth Macy

Paper Girl

Paper Girl, Beth Macy. Penguin Press (ISBN: 9780593656730) 2025.

Summary: A memoir about growing up in Urbana, Ohio and how the town changed in ways that reflects the struggles of rural America.

Beth Macy grew up in Urbana, Ohio, the county seat of Champaign County, about an hour west of where I live. She grew up in a family with a mostly absentee father. As the title suggests, to supplement the family income and have some spending money, she delivered the daily paper to a section of the town and got to know those families well. With the support of her mother, older siblings and teachers, she managed to do well in school. Then she learned of the Pell Grant program, that enabled her to complete journalism studies at Bowling Green State University. From there, she went on to a career in journalism and published several best-selling books.

Her mother remained in Urbana and as her health declined, Macy spent more time there and noticed the dramatic changes in her former home. It came home to her when she met Silas James, a talented graduate from her high school from a similar poor background. She describes his struggle to find hope and his efforts to scrape together the means to enroll in a two-year welding course and cobble together transportation to get there. She wonders why the investment in her education was no longer available for someone like Silas.

And she began to notice other changes. Declining graduation rates. Confederate flags in what was once a Union stronghold and underground railroad stop. Local companies sold to outside or foreign interests followed by layoffs. The paper she delivered and later interned with was down to two issues a week and barely hanging on. Talking to counselors at the high school, she learned of stunning amounts of abuse. There were changes among former classmates and family as well. A former boyfriend, a one-time radical, was deep into QAnon.

This book is both a memoir of growing up, with lots of memories of siblings and friends, and an exploration of the cultural changes and political divides she was encountering. Rather than simply cut off contact with those she disagreed with, including families, she interviewed a number of them as a good reporter. This was not always easy. For example, one sister told her the idea of her son marrying another man was an “abomination.” But she learns about the church and political beliefs that led to these differences. She showed up for homecomings and reunions.

More than that, she weighed how broader changes in the country contributed to the changes in her town. She looks at the gutting of the Pell Grant program, so helpful to her, that resulted in making it so much harder for students like Silas to get an education. She lays blame on both parties for forgetting rural America, except to harvest their votes. NAFTA led to the offshoring that closed factories that were the backbone of small towns throughout Ohio. Drugmakers made huge profits on addictive drugs that destroyed lives and families. And media echo chambers engendered distrust of other media, science, and education.

As she listens, and sometimes argues, she also wrestles with her own contribution to the divides. The last part of the book is titled “Showing Up.” Despite the hits, she keeps showing up with aging sisters, recalling family memories, particularly when her mom passes. And she grieves the death of her ex-boyfriend, who lacked health insurance. He delayed going to the hospital for too long with a case of pneumonia. Through all the discouragement of the 2024 election and its aftermath, she doesn’t give up. Recalling her rural roots, she contends that “We must scramble for hope fiercely, the way a farm girl wrestles with a muddy sow.”

The city where I live is a government/business/education/tech center and has boomed. Politically, it is a blue island. A majority of Ohio’s 88 counties struggle with the same issues as Urbana. I grew up in Youngstown (and was a paperboy). While Youngstown was and still is much larger (59,000 vs. Urbana’s 11,000), I’ve seen the same kinds of changes Macy describes. She helped me understand rural Ohio. Not only does she model a posture of grace for how we show up. She also models the fierce hope we need to lean into. And she makes the urgent case for forgotten rural America.

Review: From Dropout to Doctorate

/ rtrube54 / 2 Comments
Cover image of "From Dropout to Doctorate" by Terence Lester, PhD

From Dropout to Doctorate

From Dropout to Doctorate, Terence Lester, PhD. InterVarsity Press (ISBN: 9781514011485) 2025.

Summary: A personal memoir underscoring the structural obstacles for Blacks in poverty who aspire to advanced education.

Dr. Terence Lester, his sister and mother fled an abusive husband at age five. At age nine, the Rodney King beating at the hands of police deeply traumatized him. Despite his mother’s efforts, Terence joined gangs, became a juvenile delinquent, experienced homelessness, and then dropped out of school when told his grades weren’t good enough to graduate with his class. At one level, this book is a narrative of how Dr. Lester, over twenty years went from high school dropout to earning five degrees including a doctorate in public policy. During this time, he launched Love Beyond Walls, a Christian ministry among Atlanta’s homeless.

This book is about more than an inspiring narrative. It is also an account of the barriers impoverished Black children face in working their way out of poverty. Lester delineates five components of trauma that undercut even the hope of a better life: historical/systemic oppression, injustice/policy, poverty/social conditions, trauma/barriers, and educational injustices.

First, Lester recounts the history of systemic oppression of Black from slavery to the war on drugs and Rodney King. He describes the pervasive impact of poverty as it impacted his life. For example. he scored ten out of ten on the ACEs scale (Adverse Childhood Experiences). He describes the trauma of showing up at school without pencils and in secondhand clothes. However, when educators who are not trauma-informed approach such children, they miss opportunities for support.

He shows the injustices of educational redlining, in which certain districts in poverty areas have substandard funding and resources. Living in proximity with poverty comes with multiple challenges, which Lester enumerates. All these were contributing factors that led to his dropping out. Through the encouragement of a man at a YMCA, friends of his father, his mother, and a teacher who saw his potential, Lester returned as a fifth year senior, and graduated. Around this time, he attended a Bible study and said “yes” to Christ.

He began attending church while working a demeaning warehouse job to earn funds to go on to college. Then a businessman who saw his emerging gifts talked to him about his future and offered to help pay for college, setting him on the road to earn four more degrees, culminating in his doctorate. In addition to directing Love Beyond Walls, he directs the public policy and social change program at Simmons College. Throughout, he chronicles how important was the support of his Christian community and of educators who create safe spaces for the advancement of Blacks and other people of color.

The book also describes the healing the trauma of the broken relationship with his father beginning with a visit to the ICU when his father had suffered a serious stroke. As they continued to talk, his father described the traumas of his own childhood, illustrating the reality of generational trauma. There were apologies and forgiveness, and then his father decided to be baptized.

This book is more than an inspiring personal story. It is also a call to recognize the systemic challenges impoverished Blacks and others face. Lester shows how Christian community and educational support can be so important. But he also underscores the public policies needed to address educational injustices. Sadly, it appears we have opted to believe the playing field is level and without obstacles. Lester’s story does not support that narrative. Rather, he shows how, despite the barriers and the uneven field, he overcame because of substantial personal, financial, and educational support. His story makes me wonder how many others have aspirations like his but struggle to maintain hope that they, too, might one day achieve the status of “Doctor.”

_______________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Review: Daughters of Palestine

/ rtrube54 / Leave a comment
Cover image of "Daughters of Palestine" by Leyla R. King

Daughters of Palestine, Leyla R. King. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing (ISBN: 9780802884992) 2025.

Summary: A memoir of five generations of daughters of a Palestinian Christian family and a journey from Shafa ‘Amr to Texas.

For many Americans, when they hear the word “Palestinian” think “Arab” and “Muslim.” However while all Palestinians are Arabic, not all are Muslims. For centuries, there have been vibrant Palestinian communities in the land that once bore the name “Palestine” before it became Israel. Palestinians lived throughout the land, not simply in the current Palestinian territories. The family in this memoir lived for several generations around Haifa, almost due west of the Sea of Galilee on the Mediterranean coast. First they lived in Shafa ‘Amr, and then in Haifa. Jews, Muslims, and Christians peacefully co-existed. Until the nakba, the Arabic word for “catastrophe.” Then many fled their homes or were forcibly displaced during the 1948 Arab-Israeli War.

This memoir came about when Leyla K. King, daughter of May, whose husband Joe was an American journalist, wanted to understand her Palestinian identity and her Palestinian family’s story. Her grandmother, Bahi, was still living, and she spent much of the summer one year recording her grandmother’s memories.

The story begins with Za’leh, Leyla’s great-great grandmother. She was widowed during the first World War when her husband died fighting for the Ottoman empire. After the war, the British arrived in the form of a protectorate. For Za’leh’s daughter Aniiseh, this meant education in British missionary schools. Then she was betrothed to Wadii. Bahi was her second daughter.

Much of the remainder of the story is Bahi’s story. After completing her schooling, she went to Teachers College in Ramallah. At her graduation, her mother gave her a necklace with a cross, to wear until she married. This necklace passed from one generation to the next. In 1948, Bahi married Fariid. They returned briefly to Haifa after their honeymoon, then fled. She recounts their life first in Damascus and then Beirut. As refugees, they struggled to find trust among fellow Christians as well as their Muslim neighbors. Among their children was a daughter May.

May met Joe, an American journalist, during her studies at the American University in Beirut. Again, it was a marriage in the midst of war. They had to flee the country, and eventually the family, including Bahi, located in Houston. Leyla was Joe and May second child. The final generation of daughters in this story is Leyla’s daughter Beatrice.

More than an intergenerational family story, it is a story of deepening faith through trial. The story has a fabric of faith woven through it, sometimes weaker, sometimes, especially in trial, strengthened. It is also a story of displacement, and seeking home. Bahi, upon becoming a U.S, citizen says:

“It was the wish of my heart to be an American. My prayers had been answered. I thank God always for this country; may God protect this country that accepted us and adopted us, for where else would we go? As Palestinian Christians, no one else accepted us. No one wanted us. So America became our homeland and I pray to God, ‘Please, God, please, God keep this country the land of plenty.’ This finally, is where we belonged. This country is our home.”

The whole book was a moving story of a family trusting God and seeking a home. Bahi’s prayer deeply touched me. The thought occurred to me that when we turn away refugees, we turn away many who would have blessed us with their prayers as well as their love for their new home. And I wonder if the greater loss is ours.

_______________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Review: The Memoirs of André Trocmé

/ rtrube54 / Leave a comment
Cover image of "The Memoirs of Andre' Trocme' " by Andre' Trocme'

The Memoirs of Andre’ Trocme’, André Trocmé, Edited by Patrick Cabanel, translated by Patrick Henry and Mary Anne O’Neil. Plough Publishing (ISBN: 9781636081595) 2025 (published in French 2020).

Summary: His childhood, formative years, pacifism, and leadership in sheltering of Jews during the Holocaust.

“On January 5, 1971, Yad Vashem recognized the Reverend André Trocmé and on May 14, 1984 his wife, Magda, as Righteous Among the Nations. 32 other residents of Le Chambon sur Lignon were awarded the title, and in 1990 Yad Vashem presented the village with a special diploma of honor in tribute of their humane conduct during the war” (Yad Vashem | André and Magda Trocmé, Daniel Trocmé)

In 1994 Philip P. Hallie chronicled, in Lest Innocent Blood Be Shed, the story of the village of Le Chambon and their efforts under pastor André Trocmé, to rescue Jews from the Holocaust. They saved 5,000 by some estimates. It is a marvelous account, and thankfully, still in print. André Trocmé, in the 1950’s, penned a memoir of his life up to that time for his children. In 2020, it was published, in French. Now, we have an English edition for the first time.

As noted, the account covers the period from his childhood up to the 1950’s, when he was active in promoting the work of the International Fellowship of Reconciliation (IFOR). If I had one criticism of the book, it provided a much longer account of his childhood than many memoirs or biographies. But it does recount the tragic death of his mother in an auto accident while his father was driving, and the impact on the family.

We learn of the family’s struggles as refugees in Belgium during World War 1, and the roots of André Trocmé’s pacifism. Theological studies after the war were interrupted by required military service at a time when France did not recognize conscientious objector status. Refusal to serve meant imprisonment. He offers a fascinating account of how he avoided carrying a gun!

Afterwards, he took advantage of an opportunity for studies in the United States. While in New York, he earned additional funds as a tutor for the Rockefeller children. It became an important connection later. He also met Magda in New York, returning to France to be married. After several pastoral assignments in depressed areas of France, he accepted a position in the small village of Le Chambon.

He recounts how he won the affection of the village and his educational efforts with the College Cévenol, a kind of college preparatory school. All the while, he pursued his pacifist efforts, both with his own congregation and in wider circles, even as France prepared to meet the Nazi threat. When France fell, Le Chambon came under Vichy rule. Vichy, led by Marshal Petain, cooperated in Germany in the areas not directly occupied by Germany.

As Jews seek refuge, he describes the delicate balancing act of complying with Vichy officials while breaking the law.. Then, at one point, they arrest him and fellow pastor Edouard Theis and intern him for several weeks. They could secure their release if they signed an agreement to comply with all Vichy officials. They refused but miraculously were released. His nephew Daniel, also sheltering Jews in a school over which he was principal, was not so lucky. He died under incarceration.

However, the Vichy and the Nazis were not his only problem. Resistance movements sought support, which would go against his pacifist principles. But perhaps the greatest strains were within his own family. Magda wore herself out as she supported this work. Then one of his teenage sons died by suicide, possibly accidental. Trocmé describes the lasting impact of this tragedy with painful honesty. (Another son later committed suicide).

The memoirs reveal the mix of noble and base actions of those around Trocmé. After the war, as he became more engaged in IFOR work, ambitious individuals nudged him out of his pastoral work in Le Chambon. Nor were things entirely agreeable in IFOR. He is unsparing in his criticism of English officials. However, he was able to set up the House of Reconciliation as a base for his international efforts.

The memoirs also reveal a man of firm conviction and a love for people. Out of that love, he refused administrative positions by which he would gain greater influence. Above all the memoirs reveal a man knowing his strengths and weaknesses, humble and honest about both. A great complement to Hallie’s book!

_______________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Review: Why I Believe in God

/ rtrube54 / 2 Comments
Cover image of "Why I Believe in God" by Gerhard Lohfink

Why I Believe in God, Gerhard Lohfink, Linda M. Maloney, translator. Liturgical Press (ISBN: 9780814689974) 2025.

Summary: A New Testament professor testifies to the reasons for his own faith in God in the form of a memoir.

Over the years of reading various works of New Testament scholarship, I came across the name of Gerhard Lohfink. Lohfink was a Catholic priest and theologian, teaching New Testament exegesis with the Catholic theological faculty at Tubingen. However, I had not read any of his works, having matured in a different theological tradition. Lohfink passed away in 2024. Why I Believe in God was his last book, a kind of theological autobiography and personal testimony to his faith.

This last is important in understanding the book. Rather than offer a formal theology or apologetic for God’s existence, he treats this as a given and traces how he was both formed in and lived out that faith as a priest and scholar. Because of that, the book has a personal feel, that of a man in his last days reflecting over his life. And, unlike some accounts that reflect disillusionment, this reflects gratitude and joy.

He begins quite simply by acknowledging that he believed because of believing parents, considering this a grace of God and his parents’ quietly resistant faith in the face of Nazism. This extended to an assistant priest who negotiated the razor edge of shrewdness and innocence under Nazi scrutiny while forming Lohfink and other youth in the faith. He also attributes a Catholic youth movement group led by Gertrud Koob for a pivotal experience of Christian community.

Through that movement, he came to understand the crucial decision of whether he would serve himself or follow Jesus. Yet he acknowledges that this also implied a lifetime of decisions:

“Probably, in the hour when we ultimately stand before Christ and have arrived completely in the presence of God, we will be astonished to see that the great decisions of our lives were fed by infinitely many daily choices–even by the help and hope of those who have lovingly and faithfully accompanied us through our lives” (p. 28).

For Lohfink, this decision also included the decision to enter the priesthood. He narrates his studies in philosophy at Frankfurt. Then he moved to Munich for theological studies. He describes the “intermission” of these years, discovering great works of music and art that taught him to see goodness, truth and beauty and to long for the eternal to which art pointed. During theological studies, he highlights his studies on the Trinity and on original sin. These two distinctively Christian doctrines are foundational to understanding God’s perfections and purposes in the world.

Lohfink spent a brief period as a priest before his bishop sent a letter opening the way to doctoral studies. It turns out two of his professors recognized in his graduation thesis a calling to scholarship. He speaks of the formative influence of Rudolph Schnackenburg, who directed his research on Luke’s resurrection accounts.

And then came the opportunity to teach at Tubingen, including his studies on community in the early church that led to his decision to leave in 1987. It is striking that he is silent about his role as a deputy of the theological faculty in the exclusion of Hans Kung. However, in 1987, he decided to leave Tubingen to join the Integrierte Gemeinde along with his parents. He offers a summary of his work on biblical community and how this afforded a chance to live his scholarship.

Then he turns to one of the most profound issues for any who defend God’s existence. He addresses the extent of suffering and evil in the world. In the end, he argues that our resolution of these universal realities is a faith decision. No argument can resolve these questions. We must choose between an absurd, godless world, or one that we believe “rests in the hands of God…who knows more than we do and has called us into freedom.”

With that, he returns to the title question–why I believe in God. His ultimate response is the mystery of the Incarnation. It is through meeting Jesus that he believes in God, seeing the face of God in the face of Jesus. He concludes: “But above all I look at Jesus. To him I hold fast. In him I will die.”

So much in this book spoke to my heart, including his conclusion. Though younger, I found many parallels in our journeys. And reading of his work, particularly that on community, led to picking up a couple of his books. I deeply appreciated a scholar who understood his work as being for Christ and the church, and not just the “publish or perish” rat race. This last work leaves me wanting to explore his other works, and with a profound sense of gratitude for his life.

____________________

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.