Neighboring Archives - Bob on Books

Becoming Neighbors

Becoming Neighbors, Amar D. Peterman. Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing Co. (ISBN: 9780802884121) 2026.

Summary: Seeking the local common good through shared tables, neighbor love, building together, and faithful presence.

Many of us have despaired as we look at the deep national divisions in the politics of our country. Why can’t our political representatives come together for the common good of all our citizens? I’ve about concluded that this is a quixotic quest and only a work of God can change things, which I still pray for.

But there is an old saw that “all politics is local.” Furthermore, while we are instructed to pray for our leaders, we are commanded to love our neighbors. In this book, Amar D. Peterman takes that command seriously and presses into what that love might look like in the real neighborhoods where we live. This follows the pattern of the incarnation, where God took on flesh and broke bread with real people.

In fact, Jesus spent a lot of time at tables. Peterman reflects deeply upon this as a core practice of neighboring. He explores why we would desire this and roots it in love of God and those with whom we share the table. In fact, we join what God is already doing in our neighborhood. We recognize God has already been loving our neighbors and we love them in God. So we look for good in those we encounter, believing the good God is present. We believe community is possible because the God who is present is community, the eternal fellowship of three persons in one Being. And because of the diverse nature of our communities, the goodness we encounter is a potluck. Each dish reflects the story of our neighbors.

Neighbor love isn’t a feeling but something we do. Peterman outlines six practices of neighbor love: compassion, humility, translation, resonance, lamentation, and accompaniment. The last four spoke to me. Translation speaks in the neighbor’s language. Resonance listens to the tone of our neighbors and matches it. Lamentation aches for and mourns what grieves our neighbors. Accompaniment is presence, showing up for others.

He describes neighbors as building together, and in fact, this happens, whether a playground, a community garden, or even a shared enterprise. We can take great encouragement that Jesus, our prophet, priest, and king joins us in this work. Prophets cast vision and clear rubble. Priests come with the vision of the table and sketch out what that might look like in a community-a food pantry, a shared dining space, a community garden. Then kings marshal the resources to support the vision and lead out in realizing it. But we will only know what to build through faithful presence, accompaniment.

Finally, Peterman explores what it means to live as neighbors. He suggests the image of being hopeful gardeners, believing in the power of Jesus to bring his resurrection life. Peterman also likens us to kintsugi artists, taking the given fragments and mending them together. Neighbor love is not controlling but waiting and working to see how God will bring the broken fragments of a neighborhood together.

What Peterman does in this book is cast a theological vision of neighbor love. I have to admit wrestling with what that means in our relatively private suburban neighborhood. I feel we are a long way from neighborhood potlucks. But our pastor has challenged us to get to know our neighbor’s names and pray for them. On walks, I’ve met some, and had to confess my chagrin at not knowing the names of those who’d lived as neighbors for some years. I do think restoring local community is a starting point. I wish there were more of a roadmap for what this looks like in neighborhoods like mine. Perhaps faithful presence, the attentive waiting to see what God wants to build is the starting point. And Peterman’s six practices of neighbor love are a good guide.

When I was in college ministry we talked about “developing world-changers.” But in my retirement years, I have to admit to resonating more with Peterman’s message of loving my physical neighbors well. That may actually be the greater challenge. It is certainly part of the greatest commandment!

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Conflict is as old as Genesis 3 when Adam and Eve bickered over who was at fault for their joint act of eating the forbidden fruit. What strikes me about our present moment is that there seem to be so many things that are actually quite important that large parts of our society simply cannot talk about with other large parts of our society:

Public health measures in a pandemic.
How we will make the drastic changes to limit carbon emissions and mitigate the climate effects that are too late to prevent.
How we will face our deeply engrained history and patterns of racism and find ways to repair the damage and move toward the “beloved community.”
How we will stop “othering” those who are different than we are and recognize that common citizenship, whether in the nation or the world.
How we will address growing disparities of wealth and poverty; particularly when wealth has power to protect its position.
What it will take to move beyond gerrymandered politics in which political representatives must pander to extreme bases while the moderate middles that make up the majority don’t have anyone who speaks for them.

I don’t think this is a silver bullet for these really tough conversations. But I do think in our highly internet-mediated world we have forgotten how to talk with others, except those of our tribe. With others, we seem to have concluded that we can be nasty and dismissive and forget that they are human beings.

Tish Harrison Warren in a recent New York Times opinion piece suggests that we need to recover the art of small talk with our neighbors. I don’t have to leave my neighborhood to find those who see the world differently than I–political parties, social issues, race, religion, you name it. But we help each other find lost animals, share recommendations on home repairs, redeliver the mail our postal service regularly seems to scramble. Of course, we all share a love for our home town sports teams.

Can we extend that online? I notice that my “friends” who share what I think the most outrageous things, also share their personal joys and sorrows, the things common to all of us–the birth of a child or grandchild, a graduation, a serious illness, the death of a parent. Sometimes they will say things I can affirm. Do I ignore them, or express compassion or agreement.

We still haven’t gotten to the serious matters I mentioned above. That’s genuinely challenging and I am not sure I see the way forward, entirely, but I can’t help but wonder if caring for each other’s families, and especially our children and grandchildren is a decent common ground. The commonplaces that we love might just be a good enough reason to step into the hard work. The impasses that exist on so many important questions mean we very well could leave a pretty messed up world to those who follow. I so fear that part of my dying words, if I am permitted them, will be simply, “I’m sorry for the mess I’ve left you.”

While the scriptures say, “God so loved the world” they command us to love our neighbors. Neighbors are both tangible and situational. They are the people who live all around me. They are the ones with the immaculate yard, the barking dog, the kid who excels at everything. Neighbors are also situational. They are the ones who unexpectedly intrude into our life–like the girl at the fast food window who tells me she was hesitant to get vaccinated because of a relative who died shortly after getting one. There are logical answers to that and loving ones that recognize loss.

On a spring break urban project years ago with a church in St. Louis, we saw “re-neighboring” in action. In an area with a tenuous fabric of neighborhoods, people moved in, stayed, and cared and then worked to re-develop home ownership and mutual care in that neighborhood. We’re in a time as we struggle to emerge from the pandemic where we need to lean into “re-neighboring” both with tangible and situational neighbors.

Many of our global and national challenges do require concerted action. But I can’t help wonder if the basis for such action are healthy local communities that decide to really practice “neighboring” instead of being isolated into internet echo chambers susceptible to manipulation by the political machines and other nefarious actors. Maybe Mr. Rogers was right when he asked, “Won’t you be my neighbor?”