Don’t Be That Person

November 29, 2023November 29, 2023 / rtrube54 / 2 Comments

Most of us have been online in various groups long enough that we’ve learned some basic netiquette…I think. You’ve learned not to type ALL IN CAPS because that is the equivalent of shouting. We know not to troll, spam, or cyberstalk (and if you don’t, the help you need is beyond what I can offer in this post and you probably aren’t interested anyway).

What I’m addressing are some of the more subtle aspects of social media EQ (emotional intelligence). These are some of the things that make you an interesting person to interact with rather than that person to whom no one responds or ends up in an admin’s doghouse or even blocked. Here’s a few tips from five years as a page admin on a social media platform to help you avoid being that person:

Know the group rules and don’t treat them as suggestions for other people. If you don’t like the rules, leave the group and find one whose rules fit you. Don’t argue with admins. Diligent ones are screening for spam and out of line posting, and will probably just block you.
Spend some time in a group before you post to see what its like, and read discussion threads before posting. Otherwise, you’ll say something that’s already been dealt with or “step in” something that you didn’t know was there and wish you could get out.
Some people feel they need to comment on everything. You ask for recommendations for thrillers. There always seem to be the people who feel compelled to tell you they hate thrillers, don’t read thrillers, or are creeped out by thrillers. That’s perfectly fine. Different strokes. But this discussion wasn’t for you but for the people who either love the genre or want to get into it. You just threw a bucket of icewater on the thread.
Then there are the people who like to argue and assume it is OK to engage in disagreements with another person. News flash: not every person likes to do that! Emotional intelligence explores whether others want to discuss their ideas. Ask questions that are open ended, not leading, and are seeking to understand. For example, “would you be willing to discuss how you came to hold this view?” Or if you want to take issue, you might share, “I see things differently. Would you be open to discussing those differences?” Notice how each of those examples ask permission rather than just barging in and unloading what you think.
You also don’t want to hijack a discussion. If the discussion is about what makes a good indie bookstore, people will not like you for talking about your favorite online bookseller.
Don’t post “canned responses” or toss offs (“that’s ‘woke’ “), or worse yet, respond with memes. These are the tools people use to shut down discussion.
Maybe this is a pet peeve. It has become increasingly common to post .gifs as comments. They consume space, they are usually just giant “like” buttons, and depending on a person’s settings might not even render. (Maybe this is an admin peeve, because I monitor comments on each post.)
Disagree about ideas but always affirm people. You want people to assume you have a brain in your head and put some thought into what you say? Treat others the same way.
It helps to actually read what you are commenting on rather than commenting on what you think the person said. Worse yet, someone posts an article and, without reading, the person posts information that is in the article or asks a question that is in the article. For those of us who read (or wrote) the article, you just told us that you didn’t bother to read it or are just showing off your knowledge.
Finally, it is considerate to interact with what others post and not just post your own stuff. Some groups are just competing monologues rather than real discussions. And definitely respond when people comment or ask questions about what you write.

All this suggests participating in an online discussion involves thought and care for others. Often we just dash off comments as we hurriedly scroll through our feeds. Actually, I’m not sure that it is altogether different from in-person conversations, although online conversations lack both verbal and non-verbal cues for which emojis are a poor substitute. I suspect working on these qualities will yield you benefits in both the online and in-person world. And hopefully, we are the same person in both worlds. That is yet another way we don’t want to be that person.

Are You “Sharing” Truth or Falsehoods?

January 30, 2020January 30, 2020 / rtrube54 / 5 Comments

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Reporters with various forms of “fake news” from an 1894 illustration (cropped) by Frederick Burr Opper, Public Domain via Wikipedia

One of the more grievous things about social media is to see the number of posts and memes, many of a political nature, that, when fact-checked, are either half-truths or outright lies. The most unsettling are personal attacks on individuals, based on false information.

I am most disturbed when I see friends who I know as professing Christians engaged in this kind of activity. The apostle Paul in Ephesians calls us to “speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15). What is disturbing is that much of this activity evidences neither truth nor love.

Sometimes, it may be that we see something that either incites our outrage, or reinforces an existing belief, and it is so easy to click “share” or “retweet.” The thing is that often, that is exactly what the originators of this content want us to do, whether they are partisans in this country or propagandists from foreign countries seeking to sow discord in the American system.

I think that if all professing Christians determined to not share and retweet political posts, without checking their truthfulness before passing them along, it would not stop this practice, but it might make a difference. If they went a step further and let the person who shared the information with them that it was inaccurate, this might give others pause (and might not).

This does raise the question of how we assess the truthfulness of posts and tweets. The Huffington Post recently published an article on “How to Recognize a Fake News Story” that reflects my own practices. They suggested nine practices:

Read past the headline.
Check what news outlet it is published on. (Google the site’s name.) I would add, be aware of the bias of all news outlets, even mainstream media.
Check the publish date and time (sometimes old events are represented as current).
Who is the author? (Search their past articles to see if they are reputable or have a reputation for hoaxes)
Look at what links and sources are used.
Look for questionable quotes and images. (The article suggests tools you can use).
Beware of confirmation bias. (Don’t just share something because it agrees with your point of view–it could be false.)
Search if other news outlets are reporting it. (Especially those with a different bias).
Think before you share.

I also use sites like FactCheck.org, or Politifact.com to check posts, quotes, and memes. Often I end up finding the actual meme or post and then a detailed citation of reputable sources confirming the post or showing it partially true or false. Some people have accused these sites of bias, but I have found them willing to take to task posts across the political spectrum, and to provide reputable sources to back up their findings.

What is most challenging to me however is that I do not want to be found disobedient to the word of God. And I believe that anyone who really loves God and God’s word does not want to be found disobedient, either. Consider some of these scriptures and their implications for what we say and write online:

“You shall not give false testimony against your neighbor.” Exodus 20:16.

“The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.” Proverbs 12:22.

“ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.” 1 Corinthians 13:6

“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.” Ephesians 4:25

“Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.” 1 Peter 2:1

I spend a good deal of time online with this blog, and on different social media sites I curate. This is a challenging word that I consider:

“But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” Matthew 12:36 [All verses NIV]

I just added it up. I’ve written over 1.5 million words on this blog since I began it in 2013. I believe I will give account for every one. As well as my posts and comments on social media. All my emails. My words offline. Apart from grace, I know I’m in deep trouble. But even with grace, I’m sobered that my words, indeed my life, is an open book to God. I love God and I want to tell a story God loves.

If you love God, I think you do as well. We may not always agree, and I don’t think we need to mute our disagreements or our convictions about parties and issues. Can we agree to tell the truth to the best of our ability? Can we agree not to “gaslight” each other? Can we agree to believe the best of each other?

Jesus called his followers the salt of the earth and the light of the world. We may wonder whether what we do makes a difference. I would suggest that it does not take much salt to flavor something. Even a small light can pierce and dispel darkness. “Tipping points” happen when a number of small changes come together and have a cumulative effect. Imagine what would happen if the 65% of self-identifying Christians in the U.S. took truthfulness online seriously. It may not end our political disagreements, but I wonder if it would change the online world and the rancor and discord we encounter.

Will you take truthfulness seriously? Will you encourage this in your social media circles? Do you think I am speaking the truth? Will you share that truth?

Do We Need to Fight Over Books?

July 11, 2019July 10, 2019 / rtrube54 / 2 Comments

Image by RyanMcGuire via Pixabay

A couple of interesting things came across my screen today that suggest that even book lovers may act in very unlovely ways toward each other. One was an article on Literary Hub titled “Chuck Wendig on the Time He Enraged a Bunch of Tolkienites.” It seems that the author committed the unforgiveable sin of admitting on Twitter that he just could get through The Lord of the Rings. He learned that you don’t question this holy trilogy of books. Angry Tolkienites even made YouTube videos in response. I read that and thought, “These people need to get a life!”

Now I am a fan of LOTR, having read the books five or so times over the course of my life. But I have many friends like Wendig–and we are still friends! A friend of mine saw this story and commented, “I just don’t understand people’s rage against someone who likes different books, movies, etc than they do.” Truth is, I don’t either. This is like getting into a spat over what flavor of ice cream is best. It seems to me far more fun to celebrate how good ice cream is in all its flavors.

It seems to me that it ought to be that way among lovers of books. I’ve hosted a Facebook page over the past year liked by over 2000 lovers of books. I like the thought both that there are so many like me who delight in this wonderful gift of what we find between the covers of a book (or on our e-reader) but also how different we all are. As I write, people have been responding to a question I posted on how they organize their books. It is fun to see the differences between those who have highly organized systems and those who say, “organize?” I’ve enjoyed times when people could disagree without becoming disagreeable, and discover different perspectives. For example, a recent discussion explored whether you could help a reading averse college grad to come to love reading. There were those who said “impossible,” those who suggested ideas from their own experience, and a few who said, “I was once one of those people and now I love books.”

That brings me to the other thing that crossed my screen. I’m in another Facebook book group, and saw a post from an admin who apologized for an individual who was bullying others in the group, and informed everyone that the individual had been “blocked.” I’d seen similar messages elsewhere on Facebook, but never in a book group. I did not see the offending posts so have no idea what was said, but I guess people can be trolls, or at least very obnoxious, anywhere. I appreciate admins like this one who act promptly to keep pages or groups from going toxic.

It is ironic, and frankly puzzling to me, that there are people who love reading, but haven’t had their minds opened enough by their reading to discover that people see the world differently, have good reasons for doing so, and that people like different things. I suspect it has to do with wounds in other parts of their lives that take more than books to heal. Sometimes it is the case that “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV). Sometimes all you can do is block continued abusiveness online, and celebrate all the others who enjoy the common love of books, and all the different ways we love them. That’s actually pretty good, and often, pretty good is good enough.