Recovery

Review: Freely Sober

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Cover image of "Freely Sober" by Eicka Andersen

Freely Sober

Freely Sober, Ericka Andersen. InterVarsity Press (ISBN: 9781514013366) 2026.

Summary: Writing for Christian women from experience with alcohol dependency and recovery, offers help in honest thinking about alcohol.

She was a Christian active in her church. She led Bible studies with other women, cared for her children and worked. And she increasingly suspected her relationship with alcohol wasn’t a helpful one, especially when she covered up her secret drinking and the effects of hangovers. And it was easy to justify. Drinks (sometimes too many) with friends. Wine while making dinner as well as with it. She knew the health effects of alcohol but continued to struggle with the need to drink. Finally, she acknowledged she had a problem, eventually reaching out to online and in-person groups, and finding renewed hope through her faith as she took steps toward sobriety. This is Ericka Andersen’s story and she writes for other Christian women who think it might be their story as well.

Instead of ultimatums or shaming, Andersen invites her readers to be “sober curious.”

“Being ‘sober curious’ was the catalyst for shifting my perspective in a life-changing direction. Being sober curious means asking questions about drinking–yours, theirs, and everyone’s. It means educating yourself about alcohol and asking insightful questions about how drinking affects you and those around you without judgment” (p. 22).

This “sober curious” approach is what is behind the “freely” in the title. Rather than add to the pressures in a reader’s life, she invites them, if they are uneasy about their own relationship to alcohol, to explore and then freely make their own decisions, empowered by this process and their faith. “Freely” also refers to the freedom she has experienced in sobriety “where you don’t question when, how much, or if you should drink at all.”

Each chapter comes with exercises that foster this curiosity. Perhaps the most important is at the end of the first chapter, “Let’s Come Clean.” Questions walk the reader through considering the impact of alcohol on their physical health, faith life, relationships, emotional and mental well-being, and professional life and calling. Then Andersen explores the question of whether Christians should drink. She comes down on this as an expression of our freedom in Christ. But if it fosters captivity rather than freedom, that is good reason to not exercise that freedom.

She then explore the unique tensions women experience, including social pressures. Andersen looks at how alcohol is used to self-medicate as a coping mechanism. Then there are the triggering situations that precede drinking and beginning to choose alternative responses when you recognize the triggers. Amidst all this her watchword is self-compassion and forgiveness. She calls out the bad theologies that stigmatize those who struggle with alcohol.

Instead, she traces a healing journey that begins with inviting God and others into one’s life. She talks about the places where one may find support. Healthy habits, positive triggers are discussed and identified. She honestly discusses the positive experiences one may associate with alcohol, and her own discovery that many didn’t require alcohol. Andersen is also honest about when we fail and that many relapse, and then get up and return to sobriety.

The book mixes spiritual encouragement with practical steps as well as honesty that admits that living sober can be hard but that “it works if you work it.” Andersen is candid about her own struggles and failures, including a relapse after giving a public testimony. The book also offers a variety of books, resources, and recovery groups.

While written for women, men can find benefit as well. This may be an especially helpful book for spouses of women going through recovery. It would not surprise me that alcohol dependency among women in the church is far higher than one might think. The good news is that one needn’t struggle in secret, that one can freely choose to be sober curious, that there is a community to support us, and a God who longs for our healing. Ericka Andersen’s book is tangible evidence for all of this.

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.

Recovery: Week Four

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Cast number two. You can even see my straightened big toe as well as the wheel chair and walker that are my constant companions!

 

As a number of you know, I’ve been sidelined with foot surgery to address a foot infection and orthopedic problems in my right foot. The surgery took place four weeks ago today. Since then I’ve had my foot in a cast, actually now two casts, have been on an intravenous antibiotic, and not allowed to put weight on the right foot except on the heel as I transfer from one seat to another. Thought I’d share some random musings that describe something of how I’m doing:

  • As far as I can tell, everything seems to be coming along fine physically.  The swelling as gone down a good deal on my big toe and the bottom of my foot.
  • I’m tolerating the antibiotic (the only med I’m on) and we’ve gotten the routine down of doing daily infusions. Fifteen more to go. Eating two yogurts a day helps with the digestive side effects–a holding action at best. It has affected blood counts, which they watch through weekly blood draws.
  • I’ve described this as a process of going slow to heal faster. I do have a few exercises the physical therapist has given me to keep muscles in my right leg from atrophying, but aside from these, it is a matter of keeping my foot up and waiting. That gets tougher as the weeks go by, but all that I’ve heard says that trying to rush things only prolongs them. My motto has been, “one and done.”
  • I’ve thought about a verse that I read today at various times, Psalm 46:10 that says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” I’ve needed this word at various points in my life as I’ve taken too much upon myself and trusted God too little. This may be one of those seasons. It is certainly a time for stillness, and I have had to trust God’s presence and work in situations where I cannot be physically present. I need to think about what this means as well for when I am back on my feet.
  • I’ve been sitting and watching beautiful autumn days, clear blue skies, and falling leaves from my front window. I love being out and working in the yard in this kind of weather but have had to leave this to my wife, and a wonderful high school student who is our next door neighbor. That’s been one of the toughest things.
  • There has been a lot of time to read–right now I’m reading biographies of J.C. Ryle and J.R.R. Tolkien, an account of Roger Williams and the idea of freedom of conscience, and as I wrote about recently, Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina. The latter is a fascinating study of temptation, of the voices tangible and in our heads warning “you could destroy all you hold dear” and the allure of the forbidden when married love has grown prosaic. And 180 pages in and Levin and Kitty still haven’t gotten together!
  • I’ve been practicing the choral parts in Part One of “Messiah” along with my friends in Capriccio. Not sure I will get to join them on a December 11 performance of this work but I want to be ready if I am able, and if not to sing choruses like “For Unto Us a Child is Born” is wonderful preparation of my heart for Advent and Christmas to follow.
  • I’ve been looking for words that don’t just add to the competing “echo chambers” of discussion around the election. Mostly I’ve decided at this point to refrain and listen and pray, something that does not seem to be happening much. I’m grieved that protests have sometimes turned violent although I have many friends who have been part of peaceful ones. I’m disturbed at attacks on ethnic minorities, immigrants, and LGBTQ persons. It feels to me a bit like the turmoil of the late sixties or the spring of 1970 around the time of the Kent State shootings.
  • Rather than safety pins or Facebook statements, I’ve begun to reach out personally to friends who voice fear and anger. It is not explanations or arguments that are needed but simply to convey, “I care.” I’m also wrestling with the deeper question of what will I do if their safety really is in jeopardy and a Facebook post or march is not enough. I struggle for some, such as those friends who are ethnic minorities for whom this is already an issue whenever they encounter law enforcement.
  • I’m working from home. We’ve been having people come to me, as our whole team did a couple weeks ago for meetings. We had a full house but got some good work done. I’ve been on hours of video-conferences, including a very exciting symposium this past Saturday where Christian graduate students and faculty from eight campuses met online to talk about how we may have better conversations about faith and academic life.

I see my doc on Tuesday for a follow up, and if all goes well, I have two more weeks off my feet. Then I can begin putting weight on my right foot. Not sure what the re-hab process will be like from there–one of the things I’ll talk with the doc about this week.

I’ve been blessed most of all by a wife who has taken great care of me. If you remember, pray for her, because all this has meant an extra load on her. The friends from church and others who have brought meals have been a blessing and it is all good! A son, daughter-in-law, and pastor who have helped with groceries, transport, and getting to doctor visits have been such a help. Thanks for the thoughts and prayers a number of you, even those I don’t know personally, have sent my way. They mean more than you can know.