The Way of Belonging, Sarah E. Westfall (foreword Lore Ferguson Wilbert). InterVarsity Press (ISBN: 9781514008539) 2024.

Summary: How our longing to belong is an invitation to embrace and extend the deep love of God.

Have you ever been in a group and felt you had done all the right things to be a good member of the group and still felt you didn’t belong? Sarah Westfall was leading a conference with women at her church and Jolene asked her this question. She really didn’t have a good answer. She knew belonging cannot be manufactured. But what do we make of our longing for belonging? It was something with which she struggled.

Then she experienced a shift while reading Henri Nouwen. Instead of asking “what does it look like to belong?” Nouwen reframed the question. It became “How can I be a place of welcome?”, even as the Father welcomed his two lost sons in the parable of the prodigal. From struggling with acceptance, she learned she was of infinite and unique worth to God. Amid grieving the death of a newborn, she discovered a God who sees and finds us. God welcomes us and we belong. Period. And out of this, we can become a place of welcome for others.

The second part of the book explores how we live out of that shift in perspective. It is a shift from lack, of not being “enough” to the opening up of ourselves to God and others of longing. I thought this one of the most important insights in the book. When we are able to discern out of which stance, lack or longing, we are operating, and make the shift to the openness of longing, we take a crucial step. Then, the next step is to name our longing to God and others. Likewise, we move toward belonging when we shift from seeing others as “them” to recognizing them as “us.” And stories help that process as we move from judgment to empathy toward each other.

We may find ourselves removed from another when we maintain the illusion that we must be the “sage on the stage.” We welcome others to share our humanity when we can say “I don’t know” and share our questions. By this, we move from certainty to settled. When we allow others to share their uncertainties without judgment and with empathy, we move into deeper relationship. Depth also develops gradually and it is important to recognize the “circles of belonging” and how deep it is appropriate to go in each.

Finally, when we know we are welcome and live this truth with others, we are released from consuming to creating. We find ways to make and give rather than grasping. And we celebrate those in our lives and enjoy celebrations with them.

Westfall walks us through the way of belonging step by step, with brief “moving closer” exercises at the end of each chapter in the second part. She speaks as a thoughtful introvert who has been on this journey herself and is still living with the questions. Yet she also invites us into the wonder beyond us of a God who sees, who seeks us, who values us and welcomes us. And in the language found on the back cover, that welcome “changes everything.”

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Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.